Wednesday, August 8, 2012

That Is The Ugliest Effing Starship I Have Ever Seen: An Open Love Letter To Spock



or,

Half The People In This Room Are Mad At Me, And The Other Half Only Like Me Because They Think I Pushed Somebody Out Of An Airlock, So That's Not Good



I have a great deal of Star Trek love. It's pretty difficult to enumerate without interpretive dance or at least some construction paper puppets, so I'm gonna leave it at that, but I do have to continue with a query. Do you ever think about how bitchy Spock is and just cackle inside your soul? I do. Probably more times a day than is truly necessary or healthy.

I just love that he has this persona of being all stoic and Vulcan, and the truth is, he shows his humanity all over the place, by being a mega bitch. Spock, I posit, is a green-blooded Mean Girl.


That's why Yeoman Rand's hair is a giant corncob. It's full of secrets.



Cite your source, I hear nobody yell. My source is how endlessly sassy he is. Uhura ain't the only one getting a little spicy up on that bridge. A few years ago, I sat Jenny down to assist me in my yet to be attained goal of watching every episode of every Trek to date. She had never seen more than the 2009 movie, being something of a scruffy-looking nerf herder. I dragged her to it, to her great titillation.

I'd only seen select Original Series episodes at this time. When I was growing up, Next Gen was the Trek of the day, and Voyager was what was on when I was starting to become conscious of plotlines and nuance. Tuvok was the Vulcan of my childhood, and dare I say - my heart. Let me not be mistaken. I am a great proponent of Spock. Just because he's a bitch don't mean I don't got love for him. But in those season one episodes I saw before my eyes not the more solemn, wise character I had expected. I saw a blue-eyeshadowed judgement machine. And I loved him.

Practically every time Spock is on screen, he is rolling his eyes at how dumb - if pretty - Kirk is. "Uhhhh, you can run around with all these space hoes, these intergalactic hussies, these green-skinned scarlet men and women, but everybody knowwwwwws who you come home to play 3D chess with, KIRK. So you can grease yoself alllll up with margarine and get yo shirt "accidentally" ripped up in "battle" even though we can all smell burnt polyester and your phaser needs to be charged six point three times as often as everybody else's. Everybody knows who you knockin' Starfleet regulation boots with."

That is paraphrased. And I might be projecting a tiny bit. I love him a great deal. I came for the logic smackdowns, and what I got was a beautiful miracle: bitchy logic smackdowns.

Bestill my two hearts.





0 comments:

Post a Comment

Followers

 

just fourteen words. Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved Revolution Two Church theme by Brian Gardner Converted into Blogger Template by Bloganol dot com